He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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