Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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