A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
