Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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