if only i could text you this smell
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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