I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
