just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We left the knife in your bed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
