you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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