this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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