Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
