being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
