I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
