booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
