wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
