So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
