I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
