Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
