He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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