You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
