I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
