Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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