Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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