So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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