no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
