Do you still have your period?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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