kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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