I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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