You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
