summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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