How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
