turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
