i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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