I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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