Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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