I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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