jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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