your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
