Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
