"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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