1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
