Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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