I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
