I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I wear drunk well.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
