and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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