they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
