Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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