i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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