dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
