So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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