I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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