What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
