I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
