sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
