this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
