No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
