just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
