I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
