I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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