So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
