Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
