i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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