I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
